Put Downs - The Whole Story
A sad “put down” child
What put-downs really are - A guest Article
Let me begin by saying what they are not. Put-downs are not “harmless jokes.” The test of the difference between a put-down and a joke is this: Would the jokester be happy if someone he respected used that very same so-called joke on him?
Put-downs are not “constructive criticism.” At a construction site, people are building something. To construct is to build. To give the kind of criticism that is constructive, you must see evidence of it helping the receiver to grow. For instance, when my children were little, they took music lessons. When they hit a wrong note after having practiced long and hard, the teacher would say, “I can tell you have been practicing well.” She would then recite, very specifically, five or so things they did well. Then-and only then-she would say, “Now play that [name of note] again for me.” If it was right this time, she would say, “Do you hear the difference from before?” This helped the child feel good about what was done right and turned the mistake into an opportunity to train the ear.
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